i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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