Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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