I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
