I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
