just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
