I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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