I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
