do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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