living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
