Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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