Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize