I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i permit you to call me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
