I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize