i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
