he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
