none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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