Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
