Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
