R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
