i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
