Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize