apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
