just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
