When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
