I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
