having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
