I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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