Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
