people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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