Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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