We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
