So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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