I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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