Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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