so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
