Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
