hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
