I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize