Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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