I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
