careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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