1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
