So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
