1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
420 ftw
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
