ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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