mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
