He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
