i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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