Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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