Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
