You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
