I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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