whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
