WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize