I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
