You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
