My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
