onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
