I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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