Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
