ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
