So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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