What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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