Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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