is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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