but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
