I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
