Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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