I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
