getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
