I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize