Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
