The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
