that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
