This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
