i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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