weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
