Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
