Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
